Mass (Heart-Break) Effect ... theBoyThosh

 

The heart is one of the cruelest organs in our body. It pumps lies into us and beats to remind us how sad our existence is. You love bacon, but eat too much bacon, and the love pumper gets crammed up and strained, making your life miserable. Everything you love, your heart will turn it into poison for your body and kill you. I hate the heart.

Picture chilling with your girl and another example of God's beautiful design decides to introduce herself into your eyes vicinity. The pumper then sends pints of blood straight from your Thinker down to your pants as a sign of acknowledgement of erotic vista, leaving your brain less than capable of explaining to your girl why you're happy to see other girls. Stupid heart.

I don't have major heartbreak stories. My only source of self-cutting moments and throwing rocks at old couples was during video games. Most notably, MASS EFFECT.

Oh Mass Effect … love the way you lied to me. 5 years of my life I gave to you, and in the end, instead of a worthwhile conclusion where we run hand in hand into the sunset as the camera pans skyward and credits roll, you drove your omni-blade straight through my heart, kicked me in the quad and spiked me up like a husk on Eden Prime.

This video game shouldn't have, but it did, take up a large portion of my emotions. I invested my heart into the epic story journey and let my imagination control what I feel for the characters and the situations they were going through. I got to meet Quarians who were kicked out of their home world by walking iPhones, and Krogans who got to have loads of sex without worrying about pregnancy because the Salarians neutered them. A Turian became my best friend as we shared similar military strategies, and I "embraced eternity" with an Asari.

I wanted to know how this fictional world came to be and how my decisions can add to the resolve of all life's problems. This is because, if I could help these bits and pixels in their already scripted and coded lives, I could gain the courage to come back to the real world and do something as equally helpful to the meat bags I call family and friends.

The first two games were like building up the perfect relationship. I would find the right buttons to push and spend all night with my dearest Mass Effect. I would neglect all other girls in my life and only pay attention to the sweet silence of the Normandy's SR1 drive core. The general theme and tone of the game hinted a great step in cementing our love forever in the next game. I was assured that all will be well because of the effort and investment I put in.

And for the first 99% of the game, my investment paid off immensely. I was carrying around a 2-month nerd-boner from the excellent visuals and story depth that the geniuses at Bioware took the time to bring to life. The back-stories of the different alien species and the visit to their home-worlds just kept me replaying save-points just to burn the memory in my head. I'm even proud to say I wore down my girl and friends with so much Mass info until they started taking a some-what interest in the game.

And finally, the final war finale finish off. The might of a galaxy united, coming together for an all-out assault on the Reapers to take back Earth. The tears welled up. Star Wars and Star Trek combined COULD NOT bring this much energy even if they poured a gazillion tonnes of coffee into the MILKY way galaxy. A final approach on foot through a decimated London with your best friend Garrus and your bond-mate Liara, running towards the conduit as Harbinger blasts highways of red lasers at your every side. Your team gets injured, Seth Green flies in to evacuate them as you give Liara a final goodbye and run towards your death. At this point, I wasn't even at the edge of my seat; I was standing with my toes so curled that you'd think I was jizzing.

I couldn't be more in love with this game. Seriously! My heart was Mass Relaying love all over my body. And I could tell that the end was just a few minutes away, once we go head-to-head with Martin Sheen's Illusive Man. "Humanity, blah blah blah ... paragon or renegade response ... open Citadel ... finish the game over-looking the blue planet". Then suddenly, as if I was playing a different game, the end, the last 1% of this great series, was brought down to a weird conversation with a child who has a fetish for synthetics and 3 choices: Destroy, Control, Evolve. I gave each ending a chance and they were all the same. HEARTBREAKING, and not in the good way. It was more like What The Mass just happened and why can't I recoil out of this fetal position?

It's not just a video game that ended badly. This was a love that was given by me, to something worth being loved, only to be ripped apart and hurled back at me, when I needed a reciprocal love for all the time, money and effort I had put into it. I cried and whined so much along with millions of other fans that I eventually just started accepting what had happened, and that I couldn't change it. Maybe this was the lesson to take back to the real world. Serenity to accept things I cannot change. And just like that, this heartbreaking game was back in my life, to be played over and over ... to be heartbroken over and over ... in a never-ending relationship of hurt and love.

... and so cries theBoy Thosh.
@thuita

C:\> LAUNCH holiday.exe ...theBoyThosh

Tis the season to be tipsy, falalalala lala la la,

Games, n raves , n trips with wifey falalala .... Oops, meant wi-fi

cause I need to stay connected all the time.

End of the year is finally here. Our faces full of cheer as we refill our mugs with beer. 

Who's been naughty, who's been nice? Who will eat coal, who will drink double Jameson with Ice. Everyone gets laid around Christmas time, even the nerds with words like a mine. 

And what time-waster in my hand I see? My my my, it's Assassin's Creed 3!

I have been working hard on my holiday response. So far I have:

• "What sorry excuse for a life do you have that you're still sending emails at this time of the year?" 
• "This email account has been suspend in order to avoid drunken email replies" 
• "Busy helping Agent 47 and Conner. Kindly forward any queries to Narnia" 
• "These very pissed off birds won't catapult themselves to some laughing pork factories on their own, so please email someone else" 

Let's face it, all we wanna do over the holidays is what we've been crying about all year. For some of us, it's not having to write new articles for our beloved magazine blog. For others its to finish constructing that anti-spill hand attachment for holding our drinks and game-pads at the same time. Whatever the case, we always end up still rising at the crack of dawn, staring at the computer for hours because we forgot what we wanted to
Google. We become serial slobs and hoarders. Leaving too many icons on the desktop, never emptying out the recycle bin, not doing side-missions in Mass Effect cause we just want the story to end. We forget to brush our teeth cause we're not talking to anyone anyway, as we've been in our rooms for 2 days straight.

Now that I think of it, the holiday doesn't seem to healthy for my liking. But who gives a crap, IT'S THE HOLIDAY! I can put on my batman t-shirt, then go to the circus and spank some girl-clowns while hanging upside down. Because for that short period before am cut+pasted to the setting of prison break, I can do anything because I am the Dork Knight.

When people ask me what I drink in December, I tell them All-cohol. And that's what the holiday is about; not being stuck up about beer giving you bellies and vodka making you drunk-text that stupid bitch who still has my Sonic the hedgehog t-shirt….. sorry, Holiday is also about forgiveness, and I forgive everyone except those who owe me money. Am talking to you Boss. Don't give me vouchers, gimme double my pay for crying out loud. Drinking times no longer end at 2 am … lets rage on till the world ends … pun intended … please mother nature, let the damn world end. Credit roll and give us a teaser for Earth-Life 2.

In hopes to get laid, here are my pick-up lines from my different video games:

• Assassin's Creed - "Hey baby, wanna see my hidden blade"
• Mass Effect - "I'm Commander Shepard, and i want to pilot through your ass effect field"
• Batman Arkham City - "I'm Batman"
• Deus Ex - "I don't need augmentations to play this stage ;)"
• Sonic the Hedgehog - "I got a gold ring with your name on it"

Hmmm, these lines may not work on the average gamer girl me thinks, but who cares. IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! I'll use it on the ones who play on easy.

Happy holidays to all you Muggles.

Viva la V3rcity!

@thuita

Age aint nothing but a Binary Number... theBoy Thosh

(-: keyword is Binary :-)

So, I’m 11001 years old. And I know what some of you are thinking, “Really 11001? When are you getting married?” I’d say maybe when I’m 11011. Even though my parent’s married earlier, I feel like that will be the right state of half-life for me to join with another in a closed p2p network. We’ve shared common files and folders for 110 years now, and reduced out seed/leech ratio down to 1:1. We may occasionally log on to other networks or browse online for the sake of staying relevant and contributing to bandwidth usage, but never cast a fishing net into the great cyber sea. She defragments my life.

But enough about such lorem ipsum data. Lets converse about age, and how it really doesn’t hold basis in certain forums. For starters ---> relationships. The age difference between my MacBook Pro and I is huuuuuuuuge. I was decoded , well about 11001 years ago, while Maccie was assembled in China about 11 years ago. We met early this year and fell head-over-heels for each other. Sure, I didn’t get to enjoy unwrapping her warranty-cling clothing and breaking in her buttons, but love was as infinite as anything divided by zero.

I don’t act like I’m the boss of her simply because of my age. And her young age doesn’t make her immature in any way. We form consensus on the daily and make each other happy. She loves these cute little downloads from Apple Inc. so I make sure to bring some home after a work. We do coffee dates at java, and spend the weekends watching movies or playing video games. I foresee many happy clock-cycles with her.

Another circle of discussion where age doesn’t count or at least comes second is in online social media. (Hope y’all saw that pun ---> “age doesn’t count”). Picture breaking words with another life form you found on Facebook or Twitter … and I don’t mean casual words of greetings, weather comparisons or 32 bits (a word = 4 bytes = 32 bits). I’m talking about, “I donno his/her last name but wanna end the night with shouts to heaven”. Your first thought (though important) won’t be, “Hmm, wonder how old they are” ... It will be, “Hmm, wonder what device they have i.e. input or output?

If age really mattered, then the prime years of my life would literally be: 1, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 17, 19, 23, 29, 31, 37 … am I right math geeks? So forget about people’s ages, because we clearly don’t get the big picture of knowing such Read-Only information. What matters is how the entity affects your system.

And so says ...

(twitter: @thuita)


*p.s. For those of who don't count in binary during normal days:
11001=25, 11011=27, 110=6, 11=3

---- Computers vs. (Men vs. Women) ---- Chimzy

A man was created as the ‘provider’ and the woman, the ‘receiver’ but nowhere is it written that the woman’s place is beneath the man.

Having that argument settled, let us continue. I care not to count but many years ago, the workplace was male dominated. The man was the go-getter, his role as a provider and a family man was to go out into the world, fight off the wild beasts to bring back home a piece of ‘bacon’ that would then be turned into a meal by the woman left to look after the home. This pattern of life can be traced in history up to the First World War right down to the Industrial Revolution. When the men left to fight in the war, the workplace became vacant. What followed is a trend so prominent today (women in the workplace). After the men left for the war, the women who initially started off as home keepers were now required to work and what they did was to make bullets or ammunition which the men needed to fight the war. This is a very significant transition to note because the majority of problems between men and women in the workplace emanate from this among other reasons.

When the war ended or rather when the men returned from war were shocked to find that instead of doing what they were doing before, the women had now taken charge and this is as you see it today. However this is only one side of the story because women have been supressed to work for a long time emphasizing that their place is in the home to look after the family. To this you can testify about women activists who have stood up for women’s rights.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, so that you can understand the present trends and especially in relation to Information Technology (IT) should we narrow the scope. The IT is an elite club, a special club that has however unfortunately unfairly been blown out of proportion as far as reputation goes. It’s not a geek club, the doors to this club are wide open but what is perpetuated out there is that in order to join, you have to get your geek on. Maybe that perpetuated lie would have held true a few years ago, but today? Really? Pick a random person off the street; it’s highly likely that they Google most things e.g. how to toast bread on an ironJ. The point is, if a common man can figure their way around the so-called sophisticated technology, imagine what advantage the majority of people are sitting on to realise their potential in I.T. but are unfortunately held back because of fear to try.

Having said all this, it’s only fair to acknowledge that women have come a long way. I stand proud to see more women taking charge and breaking into the IT industry. I have met with many women in my days that can do things with computers that most men can only imagine. This is not to stab my fellow men in the back but seeing a woman rise like that is intimidating because the position that the man once held so strongly and defined the man is now up for grabs and the women are bidding too. I think as men we should embrace this trend rather that fear it and be intimidated that now a woman can rise as far as top management and more. We are co-workers and I truly believe that together (men and women) we can achieve so much more. What we title ‘Men vs. Women’ should not even be the case but then again what do you expect of a society that is brain washed with broadcasted nonsense such as ‘girls run the world’ or ‘this is a man’s world’?…We are setting ourselves up to fail if we advance with a mind-set that we are at war with each other and in the end it doesn’t even matter the amount of effort we put in to make life work. I despise this premature African mentality of preventing a fellow brother or sister from advancing and succeeding in life and it all has to do with a mind-set that needs to be unshackled. I.T in Africa still has a long way to go as far as development of its infrastructure goes and the more women can stand up to this call, the faster we can develop our Information Communication Technologies (ICTs) and bridge the gaps between the digital and non-digital worlds. It’s up to you how you advance from here but tread carefully for we are all created equal but they will convince you that some are created more equal than others *Such nonsense*.

Femputing in a Man's World

*start windows* ... 


... but for women, it’s more like *wash windows* ... fellas, am I right? hahaha ... just kidding!



Let’s face it; we don’t expect women to know anything about computers. In fact, we really need them to be in digital distress so that we can fly in and save them with a few quick-typed shortcuts and tell them, “It was magic baby, if you ever need help ... call me maybe” (in my defense, that ‘call me maybe’ song is a damn ear-worm ... #asyouwere).

The pheromone-embedded exhale of relief from Human 2.0 (God’s second version of Human, the Woman (pronounced WOOOAH-MAN), was definitely an upgrade) as she looks up to you with her retina I/O display makes being a man the best job in the world. She tells you she could never have got anything working on her powerbook without you. You smile sheepishly, make you NerdMan pose and tell her, “Anytime!” (<--- rookie mistake).



From here on till the release of Windows XTinct, she’ll be summoning you like a puppy. Tech-Guy friends do the most important work in a woman’s life, keep her relevant by keeping her on the grid, but we get the least amount of remuneration. We are at the bottom of her give-it-up-to list:

• Chris Brown, Trey Songz, etc
• Mista Right, Mista Wrong, Mista lemme-just-settle
• Platonic Friend (break glass in-case of emergency)
• Guy who buys her drinks
• Guy who buys her shoes
• Guy who fuels her car
• that guy ☞ ➞

• and maybe, if cute, guy who spends 4hours reinstalling her OS

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit (bit, get it? Computer joke … *sigh* ) I managed to register online for the full version of a relationship with a lady on account of my proficient software troubleshooting. And then I turned her into a nerd (Girl nerds are sexy to us nerds, PERIOD) who can fix her own computer aided disruptions (CAD joke … LAUGH).

But now, she could fix her own computer, she could compute all day, fragg me monday to monday in Call of Duty .I was becoming ... irrelevant. The mystery nerd revealed his identity and source of powers and like Delilah did Samson, she butchered that life-source from me.



I hate girls who can fix their own computers. It’s like them discovering that the trick to opening jars is just *text missing* (Can’t reveal that one ----> Bro Code Article 26.B). Fixing things is a man’s job, except for fixing hair and fixing dinner (fellas, am I right again?). 


There is no saving grace with this situation. Now girls can download their own series, update their software, drop the “Have you tried switching it off and on again?” line on you when they find you dangling your desktop out the window, and so on.

Clearly, it won’t be robots replacing us, it will be these Femputing Feministers filing us away into recycle bins. A sexy female bionic hybrid will lead them to victory, and soon after Mother Nature will achieve synthesis with women and leave men to die out.




(twitter:@thuita)

TO RANT OR REJOICE?... theBoy Thosh

A whole month dedicated to my cup of tea, but I find myself just staring at the blank 2048x1024 px canvas, stirring a few unfiltered tea leaves round and round endlessly. What is there to say about technology? I’m happy that the canvas will auto-save any qwertylised art I paint on it. I’m angry I can’t throw random words and phrases at it, in hopes for an FTL (faster than light) production of an article for my beloved slave-driv... Editor!
Flexibility and Reach are no longer just fighting strategies or sexual advantages … they are the key concepts that technology has brought to us. The global spider web makes it easy for my words to be seen by virtually everyone. Google makes it easy for my words to be translated into any cat dialogue for all the cats posting their pictures n videos on Facebook and YouTube. In fact, technology has made it possible for cats to have their own little celebrity status by continuously giving new ways to go “aaaaaaw” and #dead.

The Egyptians must be glad that their once revered gods can finally compete with our modern social ones in music; #win and #fail pictures, humor and showing that they have too much time on their hands and too much battery life on their cameras. I wish I had the chance to speak to one of these famous cats that can sing or play the piano. I would even break words with the feline friends that where slices of bread on their necks.
If technology can help cats and humans alike, to reach millions across the world in different kinds of media, WHY THE HELL CAN’T IT BAN THESE JOBLESS IDIOTS FROM FLOODING THE NET WITH THIS GARBAGE? I mean, seriously, I know free-speech is a right, but technology is run by robots. Even their basic (by basic, I mean programming language, not minimum standard) reasoning should be able to tell when people are letting the human species down. Who breads cats, and makes it a trend? WHO?
“Skynet, please ... go live. I’ll kill John Connor for you. This tech world isn’t worth saving.”

Can’t we have some Wireless-Idiot-Control-Device (patent pending) that zaps people before they fulfill their camera-cat-related visions? For example, if Miss Editor here decides next month is cat month ... *LASER BRAIN ZAP* … Now that’s technology moving in the right direction.
Let’s concentrate on technology that makes us smarter, not lazier and dumber. When the aliens come, I want us to be proud of what we have to offer them in terms of engaging futuristic ideas of universal integration systems … unless they turn out to be cats, then I’ll be fine with what we have now!

P.S The only cat we should watch over and over again on the internet is Catwoman (Halle Berry, Anne Hathaway, The one from Arkham City™, etc). That’s the true definition of Reach and Flexibility.

…Glorified Technological Slaves… Chimzy

The notion of computers/machines/technology replacing humans in the work place always sounded like a joke to me. Had people known the technological force would be unstoppable, they would have started stacking up food in their basements ahead of time to prepare for when the computer would literally replace the human (well not entirely-we can debate). It’s not that computers are smarter than man I mean come on; we program the damn things and tell them what to do, specify conditions to follow etc. So I have come to the conclusion that it’s the greed of man to make more profit at a faster rate than a fellow human can help with the same. I wonder how it must feel when an employee is called for dismissal and is told machine number 2.0.5 will now take over, "thank you for serving us for the past sixty years or so, but this machine here will make a better employee". 

The damn microchips keep getting smaller and processor power getting faster and thus the spending price is sky high. Who would have thought these little gadgets would run our lives like this? So practically speaking we are still slaves, only now the terms have changed. We are the glorified technological slaves. The sound of automated systems is far more appealing than the technological freedom I witnessed when I went to visit my grandmother in the village. And yet only when we take a closer look, do we come to realise that we are caught up in the bondage of dependence. A mere slip of the mind into forgetting their cell phone at home locks people into panic modes of all sorts. Twitter this twitter that is quite the task to be attended at daily. Day in and day out we plug in to recharge out laptop batteries to prolong the dosage of our injected technological morphine.

Technology addicts, perhaps we also belong in the street corners and dark alleys among the crack heads. I fear for the generation born into this technological era, now they are hopeless to think they can actually come out of this spider web if at all they thought of it. I am torn between two worlds, one is fast faced with information and thus cluttered with power cables, modems, keywords through Google search engines, an environment that demands a constant chasing of time, where people forget to breathe and strip away their titles as human beings to human doings. The ramifications are vast and range from fatigue to psychological disorder. Maybe no one is keeping watch and observing, but I still maintain that we ought to take a step back and balance things out before we wake up one day and wonder what it is that we have actually done with our lives. To this effect and acknowledging the struggle to move against this technological force, I yearn for technology free periods when I can cater to relationships, family friends and the like. I think we are forgetting what is important and with each passing day we grow more anti-social, ask anyone who has a friend with a Blackberry for instance. I rest my case. 

I somehow find myself laughing at my argument. I don’t nominate that we fight technology or do away with it. 

That’s like fighting a losing battle but rather find a balance with this force that we have become so dependent on. It indeed has provided more than we could have ever dreamt of and its possibilities continue to astonish me. The question that remains is could you truly exempt yourself as a technological slave? I am certain the responses here would be quite entertaining.

Beats by Play... theBoy Thosh

I am a nerdcore gamer, and I also enjoy my music like everyone else who now hates MTV for not playing music anymore. When I finally got to combine the tranquility/ head-banging-ness of music with the challenge and sense of accomplishment of video games, my mind was blown. Two time-wasters for the price of one?! Count me in!

---

Ever heard of Guitar Hero™? This game literally makes you a living (room) rockstar. It’s a console game that gives you a guitar-shaped controller that lets you simulate playing rock music. And may I stress the fact that you get to rock out alongside an array of the most recognised hit-makers in this music genre from the likes of Ozzy Osbourne, Jimi Hendrix, Sum 41, Red Hot Chilli Peppers, just to name a few.

The challenge is to match your playing with theirs as best you can. You can also play against someone else, to see how well those late friday night practise sessions (when no one calls for a plan to go out) are paying off. And don’t worry, you don’t need new piercings, black make-up and goth spikes for this; you can strum this guitar in your birthday suit.

But why stop at guitars? Picture the full bachelor pad band: Electric Guitar, Bass Guitar, Drum Kit and Microphone … Is this how you wanna rock \m/ ?

---

Rock Band™ lets you annoy the living earthness of your immediate co-habitants. It is your own personal rock concert, all thanks to game developers that appreciate the need for music to be the integral part of a gaming experience. Your idle mates and you are the band and the roaring crowd, minus a mosh pit.

The awesomeness of karaoke with the tangibility of air guitar and air drums is something everyone should aspire to. Choose from a long list of legendary past and current rock bands, from Police to Beatles to Fall Out Boy, and go amp versus amp.

*talking to the student in headphones at the back of the class, yes the class* “Rock doesn’t get your head bobbing, toes tapping or knee slapping? Is there something for you?”

---

One answer, DJ Hero™. Yes it’s as awesome as you’re picturing it right now. Full simulation of turntabling mash up club bangers from the biggest names in the industry. The launch even employed the Eminem and Jay Z Renegade concert, and provided a special edition of the same, featuring a full DJ style kit: Turntable controller, DJ Table and carry case. From Daft Punk to 2pac; you have the chance to match up accented beats, crossfade between songs and scratch like a pro all in attempts to get a high score.

Yes, it’s just a game … but good music isn’t just the soundtrack, it’s the whole damn point! Don’t call me for karaoke on thursdays, call me for DJ Hero night at the student bar (the one with the weird looking bar stool at the end of that street). It’s a proven fact that ladies love DJs, so how much more will the love DJ Heroes? Exactly.

Cool instrument shaped controllers are all awesome, but sometimes, you just want to keep using your trusty mouse and keyboard for entertainment. Maybe all you want to do is play an almost mindless puzzle with background music. You’ve swept all the mines from pixel 1 to pixel 1600 (FYI, best game of last century) and you still have an hour to kill before an hour to your assignment deadline.

---

Audiosurf™ is the game for you. It’s simply a puzzle racer that adapts to the music you choose. Load your own tunes and fly a jet over the analysed beats till the song ends. Every song becomes it’s own unique race course, and all you need is your mouse/ keyboard.

Simple yet satisfying. Dynamic colours, vibrant motion, time-wasting luxury of a game. Music isn’t just an accompaniment, it’s a game that must be played and won.
And so says theBoy Thosh

Duct taping my windows ... theBoyThosh

In the beginning, there was DOS, and user looked at it and said it was good. Now we have WINDOWS. Microsoft Windows operating system, as I should correctly state. And user looked through it, saw four colored boxes and said it was good. Only when user began actually using windows, he realized how not ‘so good’ it was. I’m sure God saw user’s disappointment and let out a nostalgic chuckle as he rocked back on his wicker chair reading Time magazine. I know we are human, and we make errors, but if Windows was a glass, it would always be half-full because of the size of its crack.

But I can’t sit here and only rant about the bad in Windows. That’s as ignorant as only talking about the dark side of the moon. [Without Windows, computer-literacy levels would be dangerously low.] Windows was the start of a new era; a beacon that lead the masses to the wonderful world of bytes and buses. Majority of households in the modern world have a Personal Computer (PC) sitting on a desk in some corner. All of them get the usual Windows Update notifications around 3 a.m., and the Windows-start tune is one of the most recognized sounds in the world.

The first time I used windows, I had to load it from MSDOS by typing “win” and hitting the return key. This opened up a black and white desktop interface, where I was able to use a cursor to click on icons, as well as keyboard shortcuts to open menus. It was mind blowing. This was known as Windows 3.0 (I never got to look through the previous two versions).

August 24, 1995 saw the release of Windows 95 (Windows 4.0, development code-name Chicago). As much as I want to bore you with the tech, let’s just say it was consumer-oriented, full of color, facilitated multi-tasking and it fitted on a set of 3¹/₂floppy disks (coolest fact!). It was also the birth of the ‘taskbar’ and the ‘start’ menu. Later releases brought Internet Explorer (as a plus), Direct X support (which meant gaming support), and USB support.

“Ah . . . the good old days of just sitting at your parent’s workstation and using your tamed rodent to paint!” And if that wasn’t your cup of tea, there was always Word to suite your text-editor needs. And all this was the start of Microsoft’s dual cash-in, as you now had to upgrade your system, with every new release of Windows.

June 25, 1998 brought to us Windows 98 (Window 4.1, development code-name Memphis). I was king of Minesweeper whenever I was waiting for the lovely 3-minute tone of my dial-up modem to hush down. In technology news then, one of the top stories was the ‘U.S. versus Microsoft’ case. Since Internet Explorer was now integrated with Windows, questions arose on whether Microsoft was abusing its hold on the PC operating system market to unfairly compete with companies such as Netscape (provider of Netscape browser, now Firefox browser). In short, no one would need any other browser if Microsoft already packaged one in their Windows installation, so Netscape would lose its market.

[As the years went by, more Windows were opened up to let in that fresh technology air into our homes.] Windows Millennium Edition (Windows 4.9) and Windows 2000 (Windows 5.0) were released around the same time under the banner of ‘remedy for the Y2K bug’.

2001, Windows XP (Windows NT 5.1, code-name Whistler/ Experience) was released on August 24. What can I say about it that you would not know? Most of you are probably still using it today on your desktops and laptops. It was truly a wonderful experience of stability, visual beauty and user-friendliness blended in with a habit of being pop-up frenzy, mind-boggling hang-time and the notorious BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. The good was great. The bad was tolerable.

When this operating system decides to fail, it does it with class and finesse. But it works brilliantly nonetheless. Windows XP is my favorite. I patched it up with Service Pack 3 and put a leash on Windows Update, protected it with Eset Smart Security, and maintained it with Tune-Up utilities. This is the equivalent of clear cello-tape on a cracked glass; you still see the crack, but you’re assured it is ‘fixed’.

2007, Microsoft decided to shoot itself in the foot, and send us the pieces to use in replacement of a wonderful experience. Windows Vista (Windows 6.0, code-name Longhorn) was just . . . #FAIL (in twitter lingo). Why did we have to pay R8000 to upgrade our machine for a R6000 operating system? We love the aero visuals, sidebar and advanced security measures, but why did I have to use my donor’s card (which cost me an arm and a leg) to pay for it? It was the harbinger of my computer’s demise.

I installed Vista, and after millions of seconds spent googling and downloading video codex, firmware and fixes, I shift-deleted it without regret and went back to Windows XP. Whenever family and friends came to me with problems with Vista on their laptops, I simply downgraded them back to XP. I prayed to the higher power supply in binary language for hope. So many doors closed. I wanted a window that would open up to the flora of utopia, and keep out the fauna of whichever hell-hole world Vista is from.

2009, my QWERTY prayers were answered. Microsoft Windows 7 (development code-name Blackcomb/ Vienna) was released. Its functionality is just a marvel in today’s tech-world. If Windows 7 was a vampire, it would be like Blade – Walks in the day, can wear silver and can withstand the need for human blood. The taskbar puts everything in proper space and perspective as the background visuals seduce your optic senses. Even the error sounds make you feel like it’s just a baby tugging at your sleeve for some attention.

And I love every bit of it. If you’re not using it now, you’re missing out on the best that Microsoft has to offer. 

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