C:\> LAUNCH holiday.exe ...theBoyThosh

Tis the season to be tipsy, falalalala lala la la,

Games, n raves , n trips with wifey falalala .... Oops, meant wi-fi

cause I need to stay connected all the time.

End of the year is finally here. Our faces full of cheer as we refill our mugs with beer. 

Who's been naughty, who's been nice? Who will eat coal, who will drink double Jameson with Ice. Everyone gets laid around Christmas time, even the nerds with words like a mine. 

And what time-waster in my hand I see? My my my, it's Assassin's Creed 3!

I have been working hard on my holiday response. So far I have:

• "What sorry excuse for a life do you have that you're still sending emails at this time of the year?" 
• "This email account has been suspend in order to avoid drunken email replies" 
• "Busy helping Agent 47 and Conner. Kindly forward any queries to Narnia" 
• "These very pissed off birds won't catapult themselves to some laughing pork factories on their own, so please email someone else" 

Let's face it, all we wanna do over the holidays is what we've been crying about all year. For some of us, it's not having to write new articles for our beloved magazine blog. For others its to finish constructing that anti-spill hand attachment for holding our drinks and game-pads at the same time. Whatever the case, we always end up still rising at the crack of dawn, staring at the computer for hours because we forgot what we wanted to
Google. We become serial slobs and hoarders. Leaving too many icons on the desktop, never emptying out the recycle bin, not doing side-missions in Mass Effect cause we just want the story to end. We forget to brush our teeth cause we're not talking to anyone anyway, as we've been in our rooms for 2 days straight.

Now that I think of it, the holiday doesn't seem to healthy for my liking. But who gives a crap, IT'S THE HOLIDAY! I can put on my batman t-shirt, then go to the circus and spank some girl-clowns while hanging upside down. Because for that short period before am cut+pasted to the setting of prison break, I can do anything because I am the Dork Knight.

When people ask me what I drink in December, I tell them All-cohol. And that's what the holiday is about; not being stuck up about beer giving you bellies and vodka making you drunk-text that stupid bitch who still has my Sonic the hedgehog t-shirt….. sorry, Holiday is also about forgiveness, and I forgive everyone except those who owe me money. Am talking to you Boss. Don't give me vouchers, gimme double my pay for crying out loud. Drinking times no longer end at 2 am … lets rage on till the world ends … pun intended … please mother nature, let the damn world end. Credit roll and give us a teaser for Earth-Life 2.

In hopes to get laid, here are my pick-up lines from my different video games:

• Assassin's Creed - "Hey baby, wanna see my hidden blade"
• Mass Effect - "I'm Commander Shepard, and i want to pilot through your ass effect field"
• Batman Arkham City - "I'm Batman"
• Deus Ex - "I don't need augmentations to play this stage ;)"
• Sonic the Hedgehog - "I got a gold ring with your name on it"

Hmmm, these lines may not work on the average gamer girl me thinks, but who cares. IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! I'll use it on the ones who play on easy.

Happy holidays to all you Muggles.

Viva la V3rcity!

@thuita