HOLIDAY SPENDING ... Cynthia

Well, December is here and this is the holiday season. This is the month for merry making, get aways, partying and generally just having lots of fun. Granted Jesus was born during this month and for Christians, this is pretty significant; He is after all the son of God and our Savior. But we all know most of what we do has little to do with Jesus.

I love the holidays/ December because it is the month families get together and catch up. It is the time most people get time away from work or school and can distress. It is Christmas season so there is lots of cheer and a general atmosphere if fun. But it is also a time when we spend the most and due to poor planning; most of us end up having financially stressful Januarys and Februarys.

How do we go about our December spending and reduce the level of financial stress in the first months of the next year? As usual, my fist point of any ‘how to’ is planning.  Without planning, you are almost a lost cause and maybe have to wait until the next December after reading this article to reap from my two cents advice. What do I mean by panning? December is always eleven months away from January. So think eleven months prior. What would you like to do for your next holiday season when you have enough time away from work or out of school?  What does it entail? How much will it cost? Is it a group thing or an individual thing? How can you start saving to reach that target? The sooner you start planning for this the better.

Let’s say you have been ahead of the game this year and planned for December? You have your holiday fund nicely tucked away and are ready to party and make merry? First of all good for you because let’s face it, most of us cannot afford the December spending spree on our regular income because holiday or not, the bills still have to get paid. So how do you go about spending so that you get the maximum benefit out of your money while making sure you do not overspend and end up eating into the non-holiday fund? Remember the non-holiday fund has to untouched because January bills still have to be paid.

First and foremost, spend within your means. Don’t blow it all in one day at a pricey place that is way out of your league and be back at square zero the next day. The holiday season is generally from 20^th December to 3^rd January. That’s two weeks so pace yourself.

Being December, everyone is out to make some money. Be very careful that you are not overcharged or taken advantage of just for this reason. Pay for goods and services at their fair price and if you feel you are being overcharged, consider changing shop or venue. You do not want some establishment eating a big chunk out of your holiday fund in its quest to make mad profits during the season.

Go Dutch. Yes I know it is Christmas and you are feeling generous and want to treat your friends. But who will treat you when you are already out of cash and still have a number of days before the end of the holidays. Treat your friends once in a while, it is allowed. But also split the bill as much as possible. This way your holiday fund will last as intended.

Look for good deals. Just like you are feeling generous, most shops and establishments will be bitten by the generosity holiday bug and will be giving away good deals. Look out for offers such as buy one get one free or free drinks for first 20 patrons etc. This is a great way to ensure your holiday fund stretches out.

Make early bookings. I know we are proudly Kenyans but this culture of last minute rushes does us more harm than good. Remember my point about businesses being out to make mad profits? There best way for them to manage this is catch you when you are desperate and the last minute rush makes you desperate. Book your tickets, venues, supplies etc. in advance so that you get them at the normal price.

Last but not least, give back to society. It is Christmas, you have had a long year, worked hard and God has sustained you throughout the year.  Be thankful to Him and celebrate His Son’s birth by sharing with the less fortunate. As Jesus said, whatsoever you do to the least of my brothers…that you do unto me.

Happy Holidays!

Holiday Survival Tips ... Girl_Incognito

The one time we become even more confused than usual and believe me… that’s saying something! We spend all semester begging, pleading, praying (in tongues) for this sacred time to come. The countdown goes from months to weeks to days… and in those last moments when we’re so sure we’re not going to make it, we’re about to crash and disintegrate from the stress and tears of final projects and exams, hanging off the cliff with our last finger, the sunlight breaks through the storm-clouds and the time we've long awaited arrives and its good, real good in its first few weeks… but then… nothing. Waking up at whatever time we want begins to get monotonous, at 2 pm with nothing good on TV (Ha!) we let out that inevitable sigh of boredom. Let’s not forget how personal hygiene takes a back seat  We find ourselves wondering if we’d rather be back in school, but then as soon as the holiday comes to an end we’re filled with dread and doom and looming rain clouds at the thought of going back.  

Now that we’re in College/University holidays mean a different thing, for most of us that means going back home and for some of us that means starting the holiday with a flight home.

Tip 1: DO NOT get wasted on the plane if you are travelling alone. I know it seems like an opportune moment of complimentary liquor and nothing else to do, but when you start singing along to Rita Ora with your headphones on super blast and that evil eye from your neighbour can’t deter you, its downhill from there.

Afterwards come the comforts of home, all the things we took for granted in high school like home cooked meals and a clean bathroom, it’s almost enough to have you tearing up to Diddy’s “coming home”… until he starts rapping of course.

Tip 2: Your folks love to pamper you when your home, its 5 star treatment you never got when you actually lived there, but for extra pampering feign a little illness when you come back, pull a Lindsay and claim ‘exhaustion’ and malnourishment from the strenuous semester. Your treatment is very likely to increase at least 2 stars.

The best part about the holidays is all that free time you have on your hands.

Tip 3: Take time out to invest in things that need fixing, like a cluttered house or a spiritual connection or, you know your look (said in the most positive manner possible). 

There’s always room for improvement. The worst part of the holidays is all that free time on your hands, it’s not long before the dreaded boredom sets in, yet you still can’t muster energy to go job hunting (shudder). It does indeed become a dilemma

Tip 4: Sometimes when we can’t count on our old friends it’s time to make new ones… i.e.   Jack, Johnny and Jimmy if you catch my drift (*disclaimer ; no responsibility will be taken for any repercussions that may follow if the former advice is followed)

Lastly, we love to take advantage of the free time to spend with our friends, but let’s not forget about the family. As much as we missed them it takes me exactly four days before I start to hate them again, but they did invest for me to be here after all so

Tip 5: Do take some time out to bond with the folks, whether it’s Sunday dinners or drunken barbeques we did miss them, right?... Right?

C:\> LAUNCH holiday.exe ...theBoyThosh

Tis the season to be tipsy, falalalala lala la la,

Games, n raves , n trips with wifey falalala .... Oops, meant wi-fi

cause I need to stay connected all the time.

End of the year is finally here. Our faces full of cheer as we refill our mugs with beer. 

Who's been naughty, who's been nice? Who will eat coal, who will drink double Jameson with Ice. Everyone gets laid around Christmas time, even the nerds with words like a mine. 

And what time-waster in my hand I see? My my my, it's Assassin's Creed 3!

I have been working hard on my holiday response. So far I have:

• "What sorry excuse for a life do you have that you're still sending emails at this time of the year?" 
• "This email account has been suspend in order to avoid drunken email replies" 
• "Busy helping Agent 47 and Conner. Kindly forward any queries to Narnia" 
• "These very pissed off birds won't catapult themselves to some laughing pork factories on their own, so please email someone else" 

Let's face it, all we wanna do over the holidays is what we've been crying about all year. For some of us, it's not having to write new articles for our beloved magazine blog. For others its to finish constructing that anti-spill hand attachment for holding our drinks and game-pads at the same time. Whatever the case, we always end up still rising at the crack of dawn, staring at the computer for hours because we forgot what we wanted to
Google. We become serial slobs and hoarders. Leaving too many icons on the desktop, never emptying out the recycle bin, not doing side-missions in Mass Effect cause we just want the story to end. We forget to brush our teeth cause we're not talking to anyone anyway, as we've been in our rooms for 2 days straight.

Now that I think of it, the holiday doesn't seem to healthy for my liking. But who gives a crap, IT'S THE HOLIDAY! I can put on my batman t-shirt, then go to the circus and spank some girl-clowns while hanging upside down. Because for that short period before am cut+pasted to the setting of prison break, I can do anything because I am the Dork Knight.

When people ask me what I drink in December, I tell them All-cohol. And that's what the holiday is about; not being stuck up about beer giving you bellies and vodka making you drunk-text that stupid bitch who still has my Sonic the hedgehog t-shirt….. sorry, Holiday is also about forgiveness, and I forgive everyone except those who owe me money. Am talking to you Boss. Don't give me vouchers, gimme double my pay for crying out loud. Drinking times no longer end at 2 am … lets rage on till the world ends … pun intended … please mother nature, let the damn world end. Credit roll and give us a teaser for Earth-Life 2.

In hopes to get laid, here are my pick-up lines from my different video games:

• Assassin's Creed - "Hey baby, wanna see my hidden blade"
• Mass Effect - "I'm Commander Shepard, and i want to pilot through your ass effect field"
• Batman Arkham City - "I'm Batman"
• Deus Ex - "I don't need augmentations to play this stage ;)"
• Sonic the Hedgehog - "I got a gold ring with your name on it"

Hmmm, these lines may not work on the average gamer girl me thinks, but who cares. IT'S THE HOLIDAYS! I'll use it on the ones who play on easy.

Happy holidays to all you Muggles.

Viva la V3rcity!

@thuita

A Day In Your Life ... Chrisette Michele

Could you buy me a day
In your life 
When I'm wearing the clothes 
That you wear, 
And could you give me your dimes for a day 
And just for one day take my place 

See mama says that I am beautiful, yeah 
And I am lovely the way that I am 
But if I am so sweet 
Why won't life 
Just give me 
What you have
What you have 
What you have

Or can I get away with
Being you for a day
Oh I wonder if I can

Put me in a Box 
For a little while
Tomorrow
Take me out, again

Or am I already
As lovely as You
Are you in my window pane
Looking back at me
Saying, Here I am 
Girl,
You're Beautiful

Could be that I am just too afraid
To become who I already am
Could it be that the life 
That was spoken to me
Is indeed in my spirit, man, Oh

Mama said touch the sky with your heels 
And to fly on the wings of the Lord
Could I only believe that 
It is inside of me
To be free
To be free
To be free

Or can I get away with
Being you for a day
Oh I wonder if I can

Put me in a Box 
For a little while
Tomorrow
Take me out, again

Or am I already
As lovely as You
Are you in my window pane
Looking back at me
Saying, Here I am 
Girl,
You're Beautiful

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=Vdr0cSJPQYA

The Funniest Thing... Selina Tan

The things I find funny
People don’t laugh
Things I don’t find funny
People always laugh
The funny thing is
When I find things funny
People laugh

Sometimes

Vodka... Joel Brouwer

The Stoli bottle's frost melts to brilliance where I press my

fingers.

Evidence.

Proof I'm here, drunk in your lamp lit kitchen,

breathing up your rented air, no intention of leaving.

Our lust

squats blunt as a brick on the table between us.

We're low on

vocabulary.

We're vodkaquiet.

Vodkadeliquescent.

Vodka doesn't like theatrics: it walks into your midnight bedroom already

naked, slips in beside you, takes your shoulders in its icy hands

and shoves.

Is that a burglar at the window?

No, he lives with me, actually.

Well, let him in for Christ's sake, let's actually get this over with

School's Out!! ... Gnasher

Schools are slowly drawing to a close and that can only mean one thing...it’s the holidays! We are finally free from overcrowded lecture halls, pitchfork wielding invigilators and the shackles of a seemingly endless barrage of assignments. The holidays bring with them the promise of mid-week drinking binges, unhinged party-fests and the faint but alluring smell of, what I like to call, 'festive fling ass'. Now I know you are wondering: 'what is this festive fling ass she speaketh of?’ Well it’s pretty self-explanatory! Come on, let’s not lie to ourselves we all know that during the festive season the majority of us like to, let’s say, 'explore'. The festive season is like a free pass, an excuse for us to, out of want of a better phrase, fuck around. Festive fling ass or festive ass (F.F.A or F.A for short) does not only refer to an individual but can also refer to a group of people. For those of you, who are a bit slow to bite, let me illustrate.

It’s the beginning of December and the holidays are in full swing, so you and a couple of your pals decide to go out for a night on the town. You pick the usual spot and decide to sit at your usual table, it is December after all so festive cheer is all around and the usual spot is full of lasses and lads ready to have a good time. The party is just getting started and everyone is on the dance floor gyrating to the sounds of some or other sex crazed pop starlet. Your throat starts to feel a little parched so, leaving your buddies on the dance floor you decide to go over to the bar to get yourself another dirty Martini to dance the night away with.

After the potentially dangerous task of navigating your way through the crowd of both drunk and high clubbers, you finally make it to the bar unscathed, phew. You order your drink and wipe the sweat from your brow, if your mom could see you now! The cute bartender hands you your drink and you take a sip to see if it’s just right. You give the bartender a satisfied thumbs up and proceed to walk back to the dance floor (or the battlefield) to find your friends.

Just as you are about to step on to the dance floor you feel something grab hold of your arm. You are kind of irritated so you turn around to give the imbecile a piece of your mind. On turning around you are confronted by a broad smile, you are a little drunk so you step back to get a good look at this buffoon. The first thing that you notice about this Neanderthal, is his towering height, his piercing hazel brown eyes and his broad masculine shoulders, your irritation quickly turns into a kinky smile as you look up at this dark giant of a man. As if your smile were the green light he was waiting for, he says "Hi" and seductively takes hold of your hand and pulls you to a dark corner. You can barely hear what he is saying over the loud music and the chattering of half-drunk party animals, but from what you can gather, he may be a hunk but he is not very bright. Regardless, you don't care what he has to say, heck it wouldn't make a difference to you if he were mute! You rub your hands all over his body, sizing him out. You grab him and snog him, partly because you wanna ascertain how good of a kisser he is, but mostly just to shut him up. He obliges and soon you are engaged in a hot and heavy make out session, groping and fondling each other. At this point you are both extremely horny, your undies are soaking wet and you can feel his crotch swelling up from under his zipper. He whispers "Let’s go to my car" and without a second thought, you get up and go. Now we all know what happens when you get to the car so I'm not going to bore you with the sordid details.

After the coitus relations in the back seat of the car you emerge, flustered but fully clothed. You exchange pleasantries and walk back into the club; you go and find your friends while he goes back to whatever hole he crawled out of. You find your friends and tell them what just happened, you all laugh about it, you make them swear never to repeat the story to anyone (especially Mark, your boyfriend of 2 and a half years) and just like that it is forgotten...NEVER to be spoken of again. These encounters happen sporadically through out the festive season. Now they could be a recurring thing with the same person or different sexual encounters with complete strangers but, when the festive season is over they are packed away in The Book of F.F.A,in a box in the basement along with the Christmas decorations and forgotten...until next year.

Happy Holidays!

It's a holiday!!

The holidays are coming up!! yay!! that's what we're talking about this month...
and I know we are all looking forward to it, at least I know I am...
The good, the bad, and the party!!
We'll go on a two month break, give our writers a chance to relax and come up with even more great stuff...

Have a happy holiday see you in February...

INVESTMENT 101... Cynthia

What is investment? Investorwords.com 
http://www.investorwords.com/2599/investment.html defines it as “The purchase of a financial product or other item of value with an expectation of favorable future returns” in general terms it is spending money to make money.

Personally I think investment is one concept that should be knocked into a person’s head as soon as they start understanding the value of money. 

  Unfortunately this is not usually the case and most of us go through life without ever understanding this concept. If we are lucky , we get in our adulthood and more often than not it is too late.

If you want to invest you must have observed the first golden rule of any successful venture. Plan. Without a plan you are more or less shooting in the dark and chances of hitting a target are low.  The first step of planning is researching on what kind of investment is best suited for you. Best suited means affordable; what can you fund comfortably without breaking the bank, rate of return; what kind of return do you want on your investment? Remember the higher the return the higher the risk and finally term of return; are you looking for a short-term, mid-term or long-term return on your investment.

The second step is getting your funds together (I hope you have read the articles on Savings 101  http://v3rcity.blogspot.com/2012/08/saving-101-cynthia.html and Loans 101  http://v3rcity.blogspot.com/2012/07/loans-101-cynthia.html on this same blog to have some clue on how to get those funds). You have to spend money to make money. I am yet to hear of an investment that didn’t require money. The most advisable way to fund an investment is through savings. This is because it is your money and therefore has no cost (read interest). This is not to say loans cannot be used for investment. The key here is to ensure the return on your investment is enough to cover the cost of the loan and also give you a return.  I will not go into inheritances and lottery winnings as sources of funds but if these ever come your way, think investment as this is also money without a cost.

On some occasions it is advisable to seek professional advice before undertaking investments. There are people who are experienced and learned in this field and therefore can more or less make sure bets on your behalf. The downside to this is that you have to pay for this advice and it cuts into your returns. Nonetheless, if you are investing in something like shares, bonds, land etc. it is highly advisable to get the right professional advice. On the other hand if you are investing in a clear cut venture, advice from family and friends who have experience in the similar ventures is usually enough and often free. Thorough research on your own is also less costly. No one knows exactly what you are looking for except you. Luckily in the current times, there are unlimited sources of information.

There are many kinds of investments. They vary from small business ventures, shares and bonds, land, mutual funds etc. Please note a personal car is not an investment. This is because the value starts depreciating as soon as you turn the key to start the car yet as we know from the definition, there must be an expected favorable future return for it to be termed an investment. The jury is still out on daughters (with the dowry and all)…

One golden rule of investment is diversification. Don’t put all your eggs in one basket rings very true when it comes to investment. Investment is a risk, meaning you could win or lose. Therefore it is better to spread your risk so that if some lose, you have others that are winning. You can start small with a plan to work your way to the big leagues. If you have a plan everything else is bound to fall into place.

I didn't do nothing ... Laura Atema

So it's a Friday night and I'm at home chilling not up to much. One of my friends calls me, they want to go out. I say no. I'm tired I want to sleep, plus I need to study, I have a big test on Tuesday. Another calls and suggest the same thing I decline again. One more calls and I finally give in and decide to go hang out with one. It’s just movies and popcorn don't get too excited.

We get together at whoevers house, and we settle for a night of movies and chatting. The movie we are watching is an animation, it's rated PG, I think my little brother would love this movie I should make a note to borrow it on his behalf.
During the movie we get thirsty so our generous host offers to make us hot chocolate (yum), wonder if she has any marshmallows. After the movie we decided to play some board games, I totally rule at 30 Seconds but we ended up playing Monopoly which I suck at :(

Cartoon Network and Boomerang had a marathon of my favourite old cartoons so our host made snack (yes we ate some fruit) and we settled in for a night of cartoon fun. We all fell asleep in the living room watching cartoons. It was fun.

And that is why I am coming in at six a.m mom, I fell asleep watching cartoons. I swear