Out on the town ... Girl_ Incognito

Let’s clarify one thing; I’m one of those few who actually gets to say I’m friends with my mom. I’m pretty down with her and tell her virtually anything. There’s not much we don’t discuss except,of course, for what goes without saying; excessive alcohol, drugs, sex (as in me having it) and taxis…. Wait. Where does that leave us? Talking about rocks I guess. 

Here’s a breakdown of how the honesty thing works her:

Me: “I’m going [out]” *Read: I’m going out [to get shit-faced wasted]

Me: “Yeah we had fun, I [hooked up] with Jason” *Read: [banged]

Me: “He was so hyped up, he couldn’t stop laughing” *Read: [high]

Me: “yeah I got home safe, we took a taxi” *Read: I was drunk and mistakenly got in the back of a car of two random guys thinking it was the taxi (it actually took a while to realise… this isn’t the taxi)”

With that clarified, here’s a ‘mom friendly’ censored story of a night out, with Jim, Jack and Johnny.

Just like any other night out we were pretty wasted before 10:00 had even hit, it was a celebratory night. We knocked back vodka Oros like it was going to be taken off the market soon. Despite the fact that it was the middle of winter some “genius” decided it would be fun to skinny dip‘jump rope’. 

One guy in particular was bare-ass naked ‘a tad too bouncy.’I really saw more than I wish I had that night. It was getting late but we weren’t ready to end the party. So we half stumbled‘walked in a large safe group’ to our favourite bar‘juice-bar’ for more drinks. Problem is we were low on cash, so as it was my turn to provide genius solutions I suggested we dine ‘n’ dash ‘ask the waiter to put it on out tab’. We hit the bar hard, naming whichever cocktails‘mocktails’ we could pronounce. We were so wasted‘enthusiastic’ the bartender cut us off*. As soon as his back was turned we raced down the stairs and out the door ‘casually sauntered out the door’. What I didn’t expect was for him to start chasing us ‘begging us to stay.’ My friend and I are pretty fast so eventually he gave up and thus ended the night with us calling a taxi then accidentally getting into a car with some random guys thinking it was the cab‘getting home safely.’

Point of the story is I did get home safely and I don’t get why my mom worries the way she does about me.

But yeah,

some things are better left unsaid and most details are better off left out.