To keep you believing that true love… ... is some movie going
bullshit.
If there’s one thing we’re always certain
about is how well we know ourselves. We know how we would act in certain
situations, how we would handle different dilemmas and we know for damn sure
what we would do if we were in that situation. That’s the problem with
teenagers we think we know everything, at least I did when I was one.
The only thing worse than being a teenager
who knows it all is being a self-proclaimed ‘smart’ teenager who knew it all.
Yes, I was a smart girl and that made me believe that I was smart enough not to
get hurt, after all I had read enough
articles in Seventeen Magazine and
watched enough episodes of As Told By
Ginger to know exactly what I would do ‘if it was me’(I mean how could
these girls not see it?? It is so obvious!).
Looking back on it years later the only thing I know for sure, is that I
don’t know shit until I’ve experienced it.
My first real heartbreak, (not that high
school crap of being depressed for an hour or two after the end of a two week
relationship) was also my first “time”, you know, with like, a guy. It was the cliche story; he was the popular, hot, new guy that all the girls wanted and I
was the shy, awkward teen who could never summon the courage to speak to him.
Long story short, he left to finish high school elsewhere and when he came back
a year later I was still crazy about him.
By this time I’d gained a few years of
confidence to actually talk to him, we became friends quickly, and almost
immediately after, he started flirting with me. I was elated. Within a few
weeks we’d had our first kiss, and that night he was already texting me about
having sex… wait… what?? Yes that’s right. The same day he kissed me, he was already
trying to instigate a sexual relationship. In his defense, it must’ve been
obvious that I was into him; I might as well have had a red, neon sign flashing
“I’M EASY” across my chest. Of course looking back on it, everything about the
situation screamed “Booty call!” But being the vulnerable, naive, all of a
sudden not so smart teenager, I was torn.
I
had fantasized about him and me for years now, but I was a virgin. Did I really
want to give it up to someone whom I wasn’t even sure cared about me? I pondered
for weeks, agonizing over the decision and of course a teenager with a crush
never makes wise decisions. He had the house to himself one night and I thought
it would improve everything so I slept with him.
Can you guess what followed? No cuddling, no
sweet talk, he proceeded to get dressed and prepared to sleep in the other bed
in his room. The shock and rejection was like a slap across the face, I knew
guys could be assholes but could I have fallen for one who was borderline
cruel? I told him if he didn’t come back to bed I’d never speak to him again.
Knowing that, that would cut off any future booty supply he came back, but
having him lay next to me did not placate me. I cried silently that night
cursing myself for being so stupid. The next day he proceeded to make a feeble
excuse of why I needed to leave his house.
Again long story short, that wasn’t the end
of our relationship, we fought we made up and proceeded to eventually have a
fun friends with benefits arrangement.
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