The Continent

Last night I lay within your continent

Sought salvation from frustration within your loving nation

Found the true meaning of homeland when you let me in

Swahili tongue knew I hadn’t been there before and kissed me to stay a while

I did you one better and kissed forever in your country

Then you let me top your virgin drum releasing echoes of me being free, being free in you

Free to run through your country side, touching jasmine dropping wreaths

Free to nibble on your Nigerian

Blow on your Botswana

Eat your opia till there’s no opia left

Won’t be any left over’s when I’m done

Won’t be anything done just remembrances of that night when I laid within your continent seeking salvation from frustration within your loving nation

And that’s all we’ll have that and a few thousand orphans to read this poem.

 from the American sitcom Girlfriends

safely sexy ... Mookho Makhetha

A very long ago my friends and I got our hands on a female condom. It was during an informal sexual education colloquium with a nurse from the family planning clinic. For a reason I cannot quite remember, my friends and I carried out a little test. We took a male condom and a female condom and stretched the two as far and long as we could. Two people held opposite ends of each condom and pulled. After a couple of centimeters the male condom tore, a piece of which landed on my cheek. The female condom on the other hand went about a meter and did not give in. I don’t remember it breaking. Not a scientific lab study but at the very least this primitive test proved the female condom was more durable than its male counterpart. 

So I wondered to myself, [why aren’t female condoms as popular as their male counterparts?] Why hasn’t this supposed symbol of women’s sexual liberation taken off? It gives the woman the power to protect herself without having to rely on or convince the man to wear a condom himself. I would like to assume that since science has offered us another alternative to have protected sex, on our terms (I speak of women here) many of us would jump on the bandwagon. However, many of us (well, many of the people I have spoken to) have been reluctant to use it. I went about my usual excavations of people’s thoughts, asking unsuspecting participants that same question. The responses were not very partial to the female condom. So, I decided to tally up a list of pros and cons of female condom use, FC for short. This is what I came up with.

Pro: The original FC is made from polyurethane and unlike latex, which is used for most male condoms, is less likely to cause allergic reactions. It is in fact recommended for people with latex allergies. The newer female condoms, FC2 (yes, female condom the sequel) are made from nitrile, which is purportedly cheaper to produce than polyurethane condoms. The FC and FC2 do not have any specific storage requirements and both polyurethane and nitrile conduct heat so well that the sexual sensation is not lost. You can also use it with water-based or oil-based lubricant. (I wonder if they could make a studded female condom, how would that feel?)

Con: The female condom is technically cumbersome! The condom itself is a slippery mechanism, difficult to manoeuvre at best. Most sexperts, doctors and sourced websites suggest that a woman may have to use the condom more than three times to get the hang of it. The most problematic issue is that to extract the FC, you have to be in a position where the manly seed does not spill out. (Sigh. But I suppose all condom use needs practice.)

Pro and Con: If a female condom is inserted too soon before intercourse, there is a plastiky sound during sex. It sounds like someone tip-toeing through a swamp polluted with Pick N Pay shopping bags. So, the condom has to be in the woman’s body for more than an hour or so before sex. In fact, the condom can be inserted up to 8 hours before coitus. In that regard, it does not really have to kill the spontaneity of the sex act. But let’s think about this for a second. Foreplay should (ideally) take about a couple of minutes (or hours) anyway. By the time you are ready for any type of intercourse, so too will the female condom. The condom is probably intended for long nights of passion, the type found in Mills and Boons, when his hard throbbing manhood must plunge into the longing, empty void. (A side thought, they allow these books into public libraries but will not allow DSTV to have a porn channel.) The FC might not be helpful for a quickie. Some folk could argue that it makes you look presumptuous to fit the female condom a whole 8 hours before prospective sex. Is it not the same thing as having condoms in your room though? Always ready and prepared just in case?

Pro and Con: Using a female condom is comparable to using a tampon. But the FC has lubricant to make it easier to insert than a tampon. Although, there is a large section of the population that do not like using tampons. My vagina protested to being frequently prodded with foreign objects after a life-changing experience with a super absorbent tampon. The vagina’s protest came as an attack of colossal period pains. I have since downgraded. My point is tampons take a while getting used to, the same goes for the female condom. Only you can say whether the initial discomfort is worth it in the end. Most female condoms have a ring which is used to insert the condom and stays inside during coitus. This inner ring of the FC has to stay inside to hold the condom in place and also so that the condom does not bunch up in side the vagina. I took one of those rings and albeit with a slight struggle, it went through my hand and fit snugly around my wrist. I gasped! Again, the FC takes some time getting used. But, there are new designs of the FC that have replaced the ring with a sponge that have taken off in India and elsewhere.

Con: Speaking of India and elsewhere, female condoms aren’t the most accessible type. Is the condom with a sponge available in South Africa? While you can get a pack of Lovers’ Plus or Trust from your nearest BP (or in the case of University students, free government condoms from dispensaries in the Library and residence bathrooms), the female condom is a little harder to find. They are often snuck somewhere deep in the complicated maze of medicinal products in the pharmacy. Or dispensed by medical staff at clinics and other medical centres I would rather not go to unless I am truly ill. I cannot even name an FC brand but Durex, Rough Rider, Casanova, Dr Lee’s condoms and such come to mind at the drop of a hat. Can you name any female condom brands? How much is a female condom anyway? The limited access might have more to do with the fact that [governments have invested more in male condoms than they have in female ones.] It costs about R1 to produce a male condom and about R6-7 to produce a female one. Even so, it would be nice to have the option. I still can’t tell the difference between a studded Rough Rider and a studded Durex condom but it’s still a ‘variety’. Even if companies and governments do not invest much in the FC, they could at least invest enough to make it an option in the stores.

Con: The female condom is not aesthetically pleasing. Neither is an erect penis, even if you did put in a Christmas box. (Remember Dick in a Box?) First of all, the outer ring of the FC stays outside the vagina so that you can pull it out, the same as the string on a tampon. This can make even the most sexually confident woman self-conscious. Second, the FC is sometimes defined as a pouch. A pouch. I find that disturbing if not off-putting to the marketing potential of the FC or the FC2.  It does not help that the FC actually does look like pouch, almost like a child’s piggy bank. The FC is about the same length as a male condom but male condoms have to be rolled out, so you do not really know how long it is until it is on the penis.

But doctors and other sexperts suggest the outer ring can be used in sex play. Sex play. I imagine a private strip show, gyrating my hips in front my sexual partner, bending my body into impossible pretzel shapes, with a chair as my prop. At the end, seated on the chair, I spread my legs and insert the condom in front my partner. I imagine it would look as though I were playing with myself. My biggest concern is not inserting it while my partner watches but it is the ring dangling outside my naughty bits. I attempt another scenario where my partner inserts the condom for me as part of ritualistic foreplay, which is quite sexy. But that outer ring…I personally cannot imagine a scenario where the FC can be sexy. Can you?

Pro: The female condom has a failure rate of 5%, when used properly. The success of the female condom rests on the penis going directly into it during intercourse. Meaning that every time a man enters you, you must guide him into the condom holding the mouth of the condom in place. This might also be a con. My whole discussion has assumed the use of the FC for heterosexual sex. For homosexual men, the FC might also be helpful for anal sex but the inner ring must be taken out. However, there is a risk of rectal bleeding. I suppose lesbian lovers could use the female condom too but I am not exactly sure how.

Is reluctance to the use of the female condom a matter of under-conceptualised design by its makers, technological Luddites resistant to the waves of change, as they were when the male condoms first came on to the scene or is it something else? If you were to create the perfect condom or any other form of protection, what would it look like? Try the female condom at least once in your life (if you find one and with someone you trust) to see how you feel about it. You have nothing to lose really. If it does not work out for you, you will have a funny sexual story to tell your friends (or not).

List of sources

A bunch of people I could not quote directly or reference because they were oblivious to my investigation

www.avert.org/female-comdom.htm

www.femalehealth.com

www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/00402.htm

www.sexualityandu.ca/adults/contraception-2-8.aspx

We found love?...

I am a 20 something year old part-time student, who’s had it good in my life. My mom gave me all she could, she got me my first car at 19, and I have had the best opportunities in life, a good education and just a way better than regular stern sturdy background.

  

 So why is it that I keep on dating guys who turn out to be losers? I just don’t have a proper way or word to describe how I have continuously gone out of my way to be with men or boys, whatever you might call them that are beneath me. I’m just coming out of a relationship with a “beautiful guy” who has been arrested for armed robbery and has no tertiary education but is generally a good guy . . . Wow if I was someone else reading this I would be thinking that generally a good guy and armed robbery don’t really go well together.

 

I guess my problem is that I believe in fairy tales and right in the middle of a fairytale there is always drama. I’ve wondered why it shouldn’t be a Bonnie and Clyde story. I have watched too many movies where the bad guy gets the good girl and turns good .I am a stupid nurturer!! You know the woman that believes she knows his problem and will nurse him and guide him to the place he is supposed to be at. Maybe I should have just listened when a drunken friend said “Wait … you’re dating that guy? … Why? ”, when the line ‘you are worth so much more’ kept on being associated with my man .When little brother said “this loser is going nowhere and you already a queen, why the association big sis?”

 

 

Yes [I still do believe that he is a great man, just not for this woman.] He just is not that into me, and I am never going to get faithfulness or what I put in the relationship.

 

What the hell was I thinking?? Why did I not think “what am I doing here, how can I keep letting myself be associated with such an ass?” Well because the ‘ass’ came in an awesome package, because the ‘ass’ made my heart skip and bought me flowers and made me smile! Lord did he make me smile!! He made me feel like the world and introduced me his family. Honestly it was slow, this depreciation of character in to revealing his “assdom”. But the signs were there and each time I saw signs that indicated ‘200km to assdom’ I noted it but still moved forward with him.

 

That’s because I decided to turn a blind eye. That’s what I have been doing every time the glance on that girl’s ass is a whole lot longer than it should be. When he’s chilling in one end and I’m chilling in the other end of a party and there are just women all around him. When his Facebook statuses oozed I am a horny ass that just needs to get laid please!!! If only I had just remembered the quote from Maya Angelou [“when someone shows you who they are, believe them”]

It would have saved me from all the pain, and the 3kgs I gained from mourning.

My first memories as a fashion designer... Maili Moorosi

As far back as I can remember I have loved clothes, not just clothes but fashion; the accessories, shoes, bags and all those wonderful details that go into creating the perfect ensemble. The fuel that ignites the euphoria of trying on a new outfit and having it look fabulously exquisite on you. My first memories are of as a kid looking forward to going Christmas shopping for new clothes with my mother. I recall how magical it felt to go into large department stores, astounded by the wide displays of dresses, tops, jeans and shoes in every colour imaginable under the rainbow. The adventure of searching for the two perfect dresses to wear on Christmas and Boxing Day - such excitement! It was always a treat to look forward to. I would always insist on helping my little brother and sister choose too, I would downright arrange my mom's outfit for work… she had this huge collection of scarves that I was totally crazy about!

During my childhood, I loved to play paper dolls with my little sister, we would think of the craziest designs, drawing them on paper using tons of pens, crayons and aqua pencils to create master pieces. I especially loved texture, I would colour in a pair of denims on a hard concrete surface to create the desired effect, use coffee instead of water paints to get just the correct shade of brown. It was a fascinating process. We would then stage fashion shows and pageants for our mom, dad and little brother; having a wide variety of fun ranges like swimwear, career wear, crazy couture, evening wear, casual and much more.

I remember, how much fun I used to have making clothes for my barbies with scrap pieces of fabric that my grandmother would give to me] from where she was a teacher at a sewing school. I believe she was one of my earliest influences. I enjoyed watching her sew a variety of items for personal clients and I learned so much. I would spend hours with a needle in my hand, which often put my parents in mortal fear for my safety; being an 8 year old kid with a needle! So, they ended up getting me - my first sewing machine … A pink kid’s miniature sewing machine that worked incredibly well… I loved it!

Fashion has run in my veins for a long time and now that I think back I realize how deep as I look back on those first days.] The things I have done for this art are almost criminal! I remember around the time I was in class 5 in primary school. I told my mom we had a project at school where we had to do a sketch of our favorite thing for ‘Show & Tell’ so I told her I needed blank A4 sheets and new coloring pencils – well, she bought them for me and everyday after school, I would rush home to draw my fashion sketches. I recall at the time I was really into Princess Diana’s style and I had a magazine that had a fashion spread of her, it was so elegant and beautiful. I would try to duplicate the clothing, changing a detail here and there, it was such fun, I even remember one rainy day the lights went out and there I was, on the kitchen table crayon in hand sketching away under a candle light! My word! I laugh as I remember how my mom looked at me with an exasperated look on her face and said “when exactly does this project of yours end?” I think she already knew! I had made about 20 sketches! Let me not forget to mention that we were not given such a project at school!

That’s how I first learned how to make fashion illustrations. I taught myself. It also got me into quite a lot of trouble with my high school math’s teacher Ms. Frost as I reminisce… I didn’t enjoy mathematics at all – oh what a loathsome subject it used to be for me! Whenever I got bored I would sketch! My exercise books were full of illustrations and I would even make a fancy heading with flowers and frills which she always called me to her desk to explain - much to her annoyed dismay! Luckily I still managed to get a passing grade in the subject!

It wasn’t until my later years, still in high school that I finally learned how to channel my energy in the right direction. I still made fashion portfolios as a hobby, creating collections from inspirations I gathered along my daily journeys and I grew to notice that so many people were interested in them. I started selling sketches, for R10 each; business was usually good around the time of our high school’s annual matric dance. I was hardly ever broke. By the time I was in my graduating year, I had sold about 40 sketches. It inspired me to take my passion further and it was at that time I first realized [also with much prompting from a significant number of people] that my calling was to be a Fashion Designer. So off I went into the bright lights of Gauteng, to study what I had been most intrigued with since I was a kid. I was taken in immediately upon my first interview, after a board of 4 lecturers had glimpsed a look at my entrance portfolio. Those four years of study were the best ever in my life! [Such a joy – to do what I loved passionately every single day without getting into trouble!] I have since mastered my art and I continue to grow and learn everyday, from having showcased my work at several fashion shows, the annual Cape Town Fashion Week, designing

collections for a prominent brand, liaising with investors to establish a fashion industry in Lesotho where none has been previously existent, enjoying an ever expanding client base and continuing to do what I love best. But the first time I most look forward to is the day I finally open the doors to my own exclusive boutique and grow my brand  ‘LaXrys Couture’ ™  internationally into an empire.

Say something... Manolo Drive

What happens when there are a whole lot of things you want to say and don’t know where to start? As for now, I hate marketing, because it kind of dictates the way people should live their lives. “Get that car, that perfume, that lingerie, that whiskey, and only with these things will you feel worthy.” I don't like it [people should be able to determine their own rules.]

The same goes for all those romantic movies that we girls overdose ourselves with. They make us delusional. They make us think that every guy will say “hi” instead of “hello”, because you think “hi” sounds better. They make us think he'll always buy roses at all the perfect moments, and that men are just waiting to freaking find you all the time. Hello honey, get off your seat and go find the love of your life. Yes, you might end up in tears, but how about just taking a chance in loving and sharing yourself with another beautiful soul.

The thing I detest the most is that ‘Act like A Lady, Think like A Man’ book by Steve Harvey, I don't know if you've read or heard about it. Okay fine I have to give the author credit, most men hold it as relief that they don't have to explain their natural and-not-so-appealing-to-women behaviours anymore, and as much as he has given us ladies light as to how we should love and honour our men, I don't quite know if the book has done more harm than good, or vice versa. It says that a true lady should always wait for the guy to make the first move.  No matter what a guy that wants you will do everything possible and anything within his capability to make it known to you that he wants you, wants you, wants you...

So does it mean that when a "true lady" really is just in awe, has a huge crush, and gets the jitters at the thought of this one particular guy, that she should just back down and wait...wait...wait...for the man to pop up and for heaven's sake say something? Maybe yes that's what a true lady should do but really, we're only human and waiting can only be viable for so long.

And so, with the RISK of revealing myself to not being "lady enough", in the opinion of Mr. Steve Harvey, (and mind you I shall only impose his standards and opinions on myself as far as I can bear- I like to craft my own rules thank you) I want to say that I am utterly tired of waiting. I don't know the formulas, scripts, algorithms, poems and signals that a lady needs to throw at a man she has the fancy for. I didn’t study for some BA/BSc in Flirting or a B.Com in How-To-Tell-Him-You-Want-Him, so Mr. Harvey should just forgive me because I am about to BREAK THE RULES. My mind keeps going to back to the days of “I want to know more about you, I want to know how you are doing. I want to love you. Do you want to love me?”

Most ladies would probably think I’m crazy, most men too. But, I’m tired of the silence that engulfs me. I’m tired of the fear. What do I have to lose? My pride in relation to the opposite sex . . .? My shyness . . .?  A lot of nervousness? [It's sometimes best to just let some things go.] Whatever huge things I have to lose, well, you (whoever you may be) are worth it. Yes, I’m totally hitting my face with the back of a pan here, but it doesn't matter. I’m not expecting some miraculous response; this is planet earth after all.

Duct taping my windows ... theBoyThosh

In the beginning, there was DOS, and user looked at it and said it was good. Now we have WINDOWS. Microsoft Windows operating system, as I should correctly state. And user looked through it, saw four colored boxes and said it was good. Only when user began actually using windows, he realized how not ‘so good’ it was. I’m sure God saw user’s disappointment and let out a nostalgic chuckle as he rocked back on his wicker chair reading Time magazine. I know we are human, and we make errors, but if Windows was a glass, it would always be half-full because of the size of its crack.

But I can’t sit here and only rant about the bad in Windows. That’s as ignorant as only talking about the dark side of the moon. [Without Windows, computer-literacy levels would be dangerously low.] Windows was the start of a new era; a beacon that lead the masses to the wonderful world of bytes and buses. Majority of households in the modern world have a Personal Computer (PC) sitting on a desk in some corner. All of them get the usual Windows Update notifications around 3 a.m., and the Windows-start tune is one of the most recognized sounds in the world.

The first time I used windows, I had to load it from MSDOS by typing “win” and hitting the return key. This opened up a black and white desktop interface, where I was able to use a cursor to click on icons, as well as keyboard shortcuts to open menus. It was mind blowing. This was known as Windows 3.0 (I never got to look through the previous two versions).

August 24, 1995 saw the release of Windows 95 (Windows 4.0, development code-name Chicago). As much as I want to bore you with the tech, let’s just say it was consumer-oriented, full of color, facilitated multi-tasking and it fitted on a set of 3¹/₂floppy disks (coolest fact!). It was also the birth of the ‘taskbar’ and the ‘start’ menu. Later releases brought Internet Explorer (as a plus), Direct X support (which meant gaming support), and USB support.

“Ah . . . the good old days of just sitting at your parent’s workstation and using your tamed rodent to paint!” And if that wasn’t your cup of tea, there was always Word to suite your text-editor needs. And all this was the start of Microsoft’s dual cash-in, as you now had to upgrade your system, with every new release of Windows.

June 25, 1998 brought to us Windows 98 (Window 4.1, development code-name Memphis). I was king of Minesweeper whenever I was waiting for the lovely 3-minute tone of my dial-up modem to hush down. In technology news then, one of the top stories was the ‘U.S. versus Microsoft’ case. Since Internet Explorer was now integrated with Windows, questions arose on whether Microsoft was abusing its hold on the PC operating system market to unfairly compete with companies such as Netscape (provider of Netscape browser, now Firefox browser). In short, no one would need any other browser if Microsoft already packaged one in their Windows installation, so Netscape would lose its market.

[As the years went by, more Windows were opened up to let in that fresh technology air into our homes.] Windows Millennium Edition (Windows 4.9) and Windows 2000 (Windows 5.0) were released around the same time under the banner of ‘remedy for the Y2K bug’.

2001, Windows XP (Windows NT 5.1, code-name Whistler/ Experience) was released on August 24. What can I say about it that you would not know? Most of you are probably still using it today on your desktops and laptops. It was truly a wonderful experience of stability, visual beauty and user-friendliness blended in with a habit of being pop-up frenzy, mind-boggling hang-time and the notorious BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH. The good was great. The bad was tolerable.

When this operating system decides to fail, it does it with class and finesse. But it works brilliantly nonetheless. Windows XP is my favorite. I patched it up with Service Pack 3 and put a leash on Windows Update, protected it with Eset Smart Security, and maintained it with Tune-Up utilities. This is the equivalent of clear cello-tape on a cracked glass; you still see the crack, but you’re assured it is ‘fixed’.

2007, Microsoft decided to shoot itself in the foot, and send us the pieces to use in replacement of a wonderful experience. Windows Vista (Windows 6.0, code-name Longhorn) was just . . . #FAIL (in twitter lingo). Why did we have to pay R8000 to upgrade our machine for a R6000 operating system? We love the aero visuals, sidebar and advanced security measures, but why did I have to use my donor’s card (which cost me an arm and a leg) to pay for it? It was the harbinger of my computer’s demise.

I installed Vista, and after millions of seconds spent googling and downloading video codex, firmware and fixes, I shift-deleted it without regret and went back to Windows XP. Whenever family and friends came to me with problems with Vista on their laptops, I simply downgraded them back to XP. I prayed to the higher power supply in binary language for hope. So many doors closed. I wanted a window that would open up to the flora of utopia, and keep out the fauna of whichever hell-hole world Vista is from.

2009, my QWERTY prayers were answered. Microsoft Windows 7 (development code-name Blackcomb/ Vienna) was released. Its functionality is just a marvel in today’s tech-world. If Windows 7 was a vampire, it would be like Blade – Walks in the day, can wear silver and can withstand the need for human blood. The taskbar puts everything in proper space and perspective as the background visuals seduce your optic senses. Even the error sounds make you feel like it’s just a baby tugging at your sleeve for some attention.

And I love every bit of it. If you’re not using it now, you’re missing out on the best that Microsoft has to offer. 

https://twitter.com/#!/thuita

Financial freedom...The art of budgeting..... Naomi Gathirua.

Well, being young and being extremely spend thrift can be thrilling, when it occurs, though there comes a time in the month when we realise that money management might not be such a horrible idea to acclimatize to. [A budget is basically a written plan on how one will spend their funds], thus helping you to spend it wisely. No matter what your level of income is, creating a realistic budget and trying to stick to is the most significant step to financial planning. After all we do have to think about rainy days and those are plenty. But having that money available means being able to solidify ways in which you can plan ahead for your expenses and the events that are inescapable can still be handled.

For many of us, budgeting means fiscal restraint and not being able to purchase the things we think we essentially need. Though a good budget plan, allows us as consumers to meet our needs and desires, while still trying to save money and plan for the future.

Incidentally, [the first step to financial freedom,] is to write down every expense imaginable you may incur for the week- should it be that latte every other day, the ever so scrumptious lunch, the takeaway dinner or even drinks, impulse purchases as well as entertainment, then adding it all up at the end of the month, which then leads to cutting back to many unnecessary expenses. Surprisingly, one should be able to notice how much money can escape from one’s purse or wallet unnoticed. This is a very simple exercise in fiscal discipline but it is indeed the first step of learning how to create a budget plan to define the art of financial planning.

Once your baseline weekly spending is established, by tracking your daily living expenses, add in your recurring bills like the rent be it the mortgage, phone bill, electricity bill, gym payments etc. That will be your estimated monthly expenditure. One can track your expenses and bills for a few months to come up with an average, which goes extremely far, when one needs to plan their income.

These are just a few ideas that you can use to start living a more frugal life, and to successfully manage your budget. Learning how to manage your budget while young will take one a further mile when it comes to dealing with ones’ income in the future. The decisions you make early on will affect you later life. So to conclude this, I would say, learn early how to use your time and money wisely.

Ed's note

The topic for our first mlog post is first times.

I think it is an appropriate theme as this is our first post. As we investigate and look back at first times, we hope the experiences and memories are all good and that your first experience with us is a pleasant one. Hopefully someone, anyone will enjoy and learn from the shared experiences, the good the bad and of course the ugly.

Many might wonder why we decided to do this, and the simplest answer is we are young (both literally and figuratively) and no one (magazine-wise) was talking to us so we decide to talk to ourselves and amongst ourselves and here we are.

We hope that you will grace us continually with your presence and make us famous (seriously we want to be famous) and enjoy the ride along as we discover the world, ourselves and you of course. A round of applause goes out to every single person who's posted for us you guys are rock stars!!!

I hope we get to know each other well, and form a wonderful friendship there is a first time for everything after all.