Somebody help us!! ... Laura

This is going to be short and sweet... kind of like a popsicle or a quickie

Ladies

We are in trouble...

Men are replacing us, with what you may ask? And I answer, with everything. Yes everything. We come from a generation of spoilt men, spoilt for choice. They don't have to work as hard as they used to get women. Because a) we are our worst enemies and throw ourselves at them like pennies and b) technology and when I say technology I mean the internet. They don't have to do much and that has made them lazy and demanding.  

What do men want? I know this question is usually directed at women but men have been embracing their "feminine/emotional" side over the past years, so now they are kinda sorta maybe starting to think like us. They want it all now. That used to be our line, but not anymore. They want an all in one woman now. They want traditional women but enlightened traditional women, or independent women but like conservative independent. She should like girly stuff like flowers and perfume but also sports, beer, girl on girl blah blah blah...

I'm convinced that if men had the choice and it was acceptable to do so in all of society’s eyes, they would date each other, I mean all the attributes that are now 'supposedly' desirable in women are usually found in men, they would leave women to fend for themselves with unopened jars and running away from bugs they can't kill (SPIDER!). 

I mean seriously they only like women because they are soft, smell nice and have boobs... If their fellow men were half as attractive as women then we'd be in a lot of trouble

Actually ladies I think we already are. I mean we’ve all watched Hangover 2 right? (For those who haven’t, do you live under a rock or something?)

---- Computers vs. (Men vs. Women) ---- Chimzy

A man was created as the ‘provider’ and the woman, the ‘receiver’ but nowhere is it written that the woman’s place is beneath the man.

Having that argument settled, let us continue. I care not to count but many years ago, the workplace was male dominated. The man was the go-getter, his role as a provider and a family man was to go out into the world, fight off the wild beasts to bring back home a piece of ‘bacon’ that would then be turned into a meal by the woman left to look after the home. This pattern of life can be traced in history up to the First World War right down to the Industrial Revolution. When the men left to fight in the war, the workplace became vacant. What followed is a trend so prominent today (women in the workplace). After the men left for the war, the women who initially started off as home keepers were now required to work and what they did was to make bullets or ammunition which the men needed to fight the war. This is a very significant transition to note because the majority of problems between men and women in the workplace emanate from this among other reasons.

When the war ended or rather when the men returned from war were shocked to find that instead of doing what they were doing before, the women had now taken charge and this is as you see it today. However this is only one side of the story because women have been supressed to work for a long time emphasizing that their place is in the home to look after the family. To this you can testify about women activists who have stood up for women’s rights.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, so that you can understand the present trends and especially in relation to Information Technology (IT) should we narrow the scope. The IT is an elite club, a special club that has however unfortunately unfairly been blown out of proportion as far as reputation goes. It’s not a geek club, the doors to this club are wide open but what is perpetuated out there is that in order to join, you have to get your geek on. Maybe that perpetuated lie would have held true a few years ago, but today? Really? Pick a random person off the street; it’s highly likely that they Google most things e.g. how to toast bread on an ironJ. The point is, if a common man can figure their way around the so-called sophisticated technology, imagine what advantage the majority of people are sitting on to realise their potential in I.T. but are unfortunately held back because of fear to try.

Having said all this, it’s only fair to acknowledge that women have come a long way. I stand proud to see more women taking charge and breaking into the IT industry. I have met with many women in my days that can do things with computers that most men can only imagine. This is not to stab my fellow men in the back but seeing a woman rise like that is intimidating because the position that the man once held so strongly and defined the man is now up for grabs and the women are bidding too. I think as men we should embrace this trend rather that fear it and be intimidated that now a woman can rise as far as top management and more. We are co-workers and I truly believe that together (men and women) we can achieve so much more. What we title ‘Men vs. Women’ should not even be the case but then again what do you expect of a society that is brain washed with broadcasted nonsense such as ‘girls run the world’ or ‘this is a man’s world’?…We are setting ourselves up to fail if we advance with a mind-set that we are at war with each other and in the end it doesn’t even matter the amount of effort we put in to make life work. I despise this premature African mentality of preventing a fellow brother or sister from advancing and succeeding in life and it all has to do with a mind-set that needs to be unshackled. I.T in Africa still has a long way to go as far as development of its infrastructure goes and the more women can stand up to this call, the faster we can develop our Information Communication Technologies (ICTs) and bridge the gaps between the digital and non-digital worlds. It’s up to you how you advance from here but tread carefully for we are all created equal but they will convince you that some are created more equal than others *Such nonsense*.

Femputing in a Man's World

*start windows* ... 


... but for women, it’s more like *wash windows* ... fellas, am I right? hahaha ... just kidding!



Let’s face it; we don’t expect women to know anything about computers. In fact, we really need them to be in digital distress so that we can fly in and save them with a few quick-typed shortcuts and tell them, “It was magic baby, if you ever need help ... call me maybe” (in my defense, that ‘call me maybe’ song is a damn ear-worm ... #asyouwere).

The pheromone-embedded exhale of relief from Human 2.0 (God’s second version of Human, the Woman (pronounced WOOOAH-MAN), was definitely an upgrade) as she looks up to you with her retina I/O display makes being a man the best job in the world. She tells you she could never have got anything working on her powerbook without you. You smile sheepishly, make you NerdMan pose and tell her, “Anytime!” (<--- rookie mistake).



From here on till the release of Windows XTinct, she’ll be summoning you like a puppy. Tech-Guy friends do the most important work in a woman’s life, keep her relevant by keeping her on the grid, but we get the least amount of remuneration. We are at the bottom of her give-it-up-to list:

• Chris Brown, Trey Songz, etc
• Mista Right, Mista Wrong, Mista lemme-just-settle
• Platonic Friend (break glass in-case of emergency)
• Guy who buys her drinks
• Guy who buys her shoes
• Guy who fuels her car
• that guy ☞ ➞

• and maybe, if cute, guy who spends 4hours reinstalling her OS

Ok, maybe I’m exaggerating a little bit (bit, get it? Computer joke … *sigh* ) I managed to register online for the full version of a relationship with a lady on account of my proficient software troubleshooting. And then I turned her into a nerd (Girl nerds are sexy to us nerds, PERIOD) who can fix her own computer aided disruptions (CAD joke … LAUGH).

But now, she could fix her own computer, she could compute all day, fragg me monday to monday in Call of Duty .I was becoming ... irrelevant. The mystery nerd revealed his identity and source of powers and like Delilah did Samson, she butchered that life-source from me.



I hate girls who can fix their own computers. It’s like them discovering that the trick to opening jars is just *text missing* (Can’t reveal that one ----> Bro Code Article 26.B). Fixing things is a man’s job, except for fixing hair and fixing dinner (fellas, am I right again?). 


There is no saving grace with this situation. Now girls can download their own series, update their software, drop the “Have you tried switching it off and on again?” line on you when they find you dangling your desktop out the window, and so on.

Clearly, it won’t be robots replacing us, it will be these Femputing Feministers filing us away into recycle bins. A sexy female bionic hybrid will lead them to victory, and soon after Mother Nature will achieve synthesis with women and leave men to die out.




(twitter:@thuita)

Sour worms anyone? ... Ofentse Melato

Growing up, didn’t you think gum was the most magical thing ever? It was hard, shaped and sweet when you unwrap it and kept oozing this wet sweetness that mixed perfectly with your saliva keeps your jaws working it.  You can blow it out, pop it but can’t lock it and suck it all back in. Best of all, it was cheap. You could buy it with any change, whether yours or your parents. Even if they beat the black out of you later for spending their change, it would have been worth it. You had your sweet gum baby… but then it got bland, lumpy and sticky with absolutely no flavour. It’s at that point where it makes you hungry like a mo-fo. That’s the standard thought for an average Joe when you speak about the opposite sex.


Now, before you stone me, excuse my discrimination for only taking a heterosexual male view on heterosexual females. I’m not yet properly wired enough for homosexuality sensitivity so lets keep it single dimensional for now, opposite sex not same sex. My views on sensitivity and homosexuality are a topic for another day, I promise.

Back to that gum, the problem with this average Joe view is that it implies a bitter ending to a sweet start as a given and any man with half a brain knows that “with women, expect the unexpected……always”. It’s for this reason that I can’t co-sign that sweet-bitter view. How can I co-sign such when I love women so much? Why do I love them? They are the paprika to our rice whether we want it or not. You are probably thinking ‘can’t live with them, can’t live without them’ by now and you are right. However, there’s more.

Do you like sour worms? I do! Mushy, slim and lanky while sour like hell but I can’t get enough. One after the other, I keep reaching for more. My tongue would be burning and screaming to get rid of the taste yet I would have my d**k hard for more sour worms. That’s how addictive and destructive the opposite sex can be. The eccentric attraction they ooze that keeps us chasing after them can make a grown ass man dial a number just at 2am on a random Wednesday to ask “hey, are you sleeping?” It takes some special p**** to do such, and little more whiskey than usual but we have all pulled that silly mid-morning/night call like someone would be up at 2am waiting for you to holla? That’s the sour worm thing. You try every trick to set yourself free of this nagging goose you are with, gain your freedom, be single only to spend the rest of your nights juggling between trying to get addicted to the next one while fighting cravings of the previous one. From being infuriated with her to her barking “pull my hair ni**a, pull my motherf***ing hair!!” It’s just in our DNA to have the repulsive side to us towards each other but have that attraction that we can’t escape.

Remember how as kids we were told that the one you like the most is the one you will keep fighting with? We actually never grew out of that because deep inside, we get frustrated by not being fully in control of choosing who we love from the opposite sex. What’s worse is that we can’t always pin point what exactly is it that we love about them but we always know what we can’t stand about them. I tell you man, it’s those sour worms. They are bitter but sweet, repulsive but addictive. Almost like that itch at the back of your throat that makes your ear itch and they both keep popping up. Rude as it sounds, it is true that the power of the opposite sex means we are born bloody and screaming out of a woman only to spend the rest of our lives trying all sorts of tricks to get back inside one. They are a gift and a curse, the cause and the cure, the bitter and the sweet. They are the balance our rowdy self needs. They are our sour worms, man.

And you know what’s the best thing about sour worms?

If you eat just the right amount of them, they make the opposite sex’s cl** taste like heaven when you give cunnilingus. But that is a different version of the same story and all versions are true. Till we converse again but for now, this is my view of the opposite sex.

 *As I lick more these sour worms*

(twitter: @OwaMelato_O)

The other woman? ...Biscuit™

So here’s my question…what’s the point of dating a married man?

Some may say for money? To have someone you know is there but will not be too demanding because he has somewhat of a curfew? 

Is it some test some girls need to go through in order to see if they can get away with it? What exactly is the point?

I have asked a lot of girls who are dating or have dated married men and they all basically said the same thing…survival!!!

I am not going to judge here people but this is my opinion…

When you date a married man knowing very well that he’s married from the get go it should be simple…DO NOT HAVE EXPECTATIONS! PERIOD!

Do what you do with the man and let him go home, don’t cuddle, don’t dance till the wee hours of the morning etc but you can of course lie to each other and pretend that you’re in love for the hour or two you spend with him. Sounds simple enough right? 

Well…If you are a romantic at heart you should just go find a man in church, although from what I have seen that can be dangerous too (a story for another day).  This is not for the faint hearted, I mean let’s face it, that man got married for a reason, no matter what it is, he will not leave his wife for you unless you’re really, really good  at what you do (whatever that may be, yes including *%$^#@! *side eye*). If you want to fall in love stay clear of married men, plus that would result in less passion crimes.

Now if you are one bad ass b***h go ahead, go for it, do your thing girl, show them what you got. Go for that man but be warned…he already knows how the story ends and you are clueless! As clueless as you may be just act like you know what you’re doing, you’re the bad ass right? Make sure you remind yourself each and every day that you cannot fall in love with this man! No matter how many times he says he loves you, you must know that there’s a difference between love and lust and he can’t exactly say I am in lust with youu or I lust you now can he? Some men just say I love you to avoid awkward moments, true story!  

Please don’t get me wrong, I am NOT encouraging anyone to go date a married man. All I’m doing is giving my 2 cents to the brave at heart. Let’s face it, no matter what I say there will always be people dating each other no matter how moral or immoral it may be. One blog post will not change the world!

No matter what your reason for dating a married man may be you should always remember that you’re not number one so don’t act like you are cause I bet you could come across as cray-cray (crazy). 

Now I’m no miss know it all but I talk to people and I do things so don’t take anything you may read here personal, after all it’s only my opinion!

Blow me away... Jones Murithi

Sir J

Like a fire splinter,

Such is life.

We announce our arrival with a crack,

A thunder, a blaze, bright and beautiful

And we fly away, lighting the darkness.

We start small and dream big

And think how wonderful things will be when we hit the dry hay,

We enjoy the attention the campers give us

We gleam as we see our reflection in their eyes…

The night gets colder, then there’s no more left of us…

We wish for that breeze to sustain our glimmer,

To blow us away..

But nothing

The little kid steps on us,

Oh so innocent but so sudden…

The splinter turns ash

Her Kisses.. Savon

She kissed as if she alone could forge the signature of the sun, I
close my eyes although I never knew the difference.
I stood before a brighter light, at lesser distance
And then, ... a feeling

almost as if nothing were ever bound to repeat itself ever again as if
history had been as masterfully created as the great pyramids and to
reconstruct or relive at any moment would have to stem from
understanding of how the pyramids were built from the top down. If one
could understand such majesty one would also understand the pyramids
were first made of flesh,
and that kisses are portals,
our sacred breath shifting through hidden carrels and passage ways.
I will find my way to eternity within you.

(from the American sitcom Girlfriends)

Loans 101 ... Cynthia

What is a loan? Oxford dictionary defines it as “a thing that is borrowed, especially a sum of money that is expected to be paid back with interest”. There is a feeling you get when loan money gets in your hand or hits your account. It is euphoric. You feel like you won a jackpot and can buy anything you ever wanted; regardless of the amount. You spend the money in your head and the excitement remains at peak level until you have paid for and acquired whatever you decide to spend on. This is when reality checks in. It downs on you that you are in debt.

We learn about loans early in our lives. Most of us begin borrowing at a young age. Remember asking your brother, sister or friend for some money and promising to pay back? It could have been as little as twenty shillings, but the point was you had to pay it back.  Luckily, loans from our family members and friends do not usually come with an interest rate so we are spared the pain of having to pay a percentage more than what we borrowed.

As you get older and start making a life for yourself, chances are you will need loans to enable you achieve some of your goals. To start that business, buy that plot of land, build that house, buy that car and so on. This is where you need to get smart before you take out that loan.

Before taking a loan, make sure you have a solid plan on what you want to use the money on. Most financial advisors advise you take a loan only to use the money on something that will generate income hence pay for itself. A business or investment is highly recommended. The solid plan will reduce the chances of squandering the loan. There is nothing worse than repaying a loan; with interest; yet you can not put your hand on exactly where you spent it.

The key factors to consider when taking a loan are interest rate and the repayment plan. Interest so that you can know exactly how much more you are binding yourself to pay compared to what you are getting. There are periods when the interest rates are extremely high. These are also the times financial institutions are more that willing to give loans. They know exactly what they are getting out of it. It is wise to window shop and find out the interest rates offered by different lenders in the market. The differences can be quite substantial. 

The repayment plan is key to enable you plan your finances going forward. You need to know how much of your periodical income will go towards repaying your loan so that you can adjust accordingly. Reality of the cost of borrowing hits home during the repayment period. If you did not plan from the onset it will be a trying period. You will either struggle to make ends meet because of the payments or you will be unable to meet your obligations and this opens the door to a whole different angle of the relationship with your lender. A not so good angle.

Avoid loan sharks at all costs. Yes they do exist and yes they are exactly like is shown in mafia movies. Okay, they might not break your legs like in the movies but they will take you for everything you have got. They will give you a loan in the shortest time possible; I have been told in some instances you can have the cash in your hand within half an hour; but their interest rates are ridiculous. As the saying goes, when the deal is too sweet, think twice. Reputable financial institutions are much safer.

All in all, do not fear to borrow because more often than not, if you want to develop yourself, you will need to borrow at one time or another to get there. Just be smart about it.

The OPPOSITE sex

This month's topic is the opposite sex.
Yes opposite... not about men or women but about both of them...
What more can I say we drive each other crazy, "can't live with them, can't kill them and stuff them in the basement without there being a smell." hahaha!!
I'm just playing we love everyone (most of the time) .
We'll talk about how we view each other and function in this crazy modern day that we live in.

much love

v3rcity